forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
