I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize