It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
