So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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