if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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