Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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