First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
