M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
