my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
