Say something about gay babies.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
