I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
