what day is it and did you see me today?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
