Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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