The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
