Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
