Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
