I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
