dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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