Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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