You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
