drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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