you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize