i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
