Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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