Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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