Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
