I didn't shave. On purpose
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
