I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
