Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
