the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
True strength comes from lack of pants
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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