Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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