New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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