I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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