I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
