Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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