Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
