There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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