we made out on top of his cat.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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