Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
