I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
