his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
