hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
