I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
