You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am puke
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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