I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
