I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
