I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
