So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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