No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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