We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
