You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
