Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am available for nakedness
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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