We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
