fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
