I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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