Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
