Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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