We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
