I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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