dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
