im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
