I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
