There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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