i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
