My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
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