It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
